Do not be productive today. I repeat, do not be productive today.

A love letter for a hard day

Today, some of the most unwell people in the world take power. Some of them for the first time, some returning. So many without faces, stringy or gelatinous - made only of close-range instincts and self-interest, sick from lovelessness. A colony of harmful bacteria in a body already sick. So.

What do we do on a day such as this?

Make a cup of tea, not coffee. It’s ok if you’re a little sleepy, we don’t need the extra nerves today. Rest, sleep in. Call in sick if you can. If you can’t, or if work is the place you find solace, then walk in calmly. Look your coworkers or clients or patients or whoever you will see in the eye 2 seconds longer than normal. Hold their gaze softly so that you may find the humanity in them and show them the humanity in you. Remind them in that glimpse of the true bleeding life that you both possess so vividly. With 2 seconds of softness, remind them that your humanity is beyond what has happened, it’s stronger than whatever’s coming. Ask them a question that you are genuinely curious about. Do your best to make their day better and it will bounce off of them and splash onto you, too.

Rest today. Call whoever raised you. Could be a friend you’ve only known a year - whoever has grown you, whoever you love. Call wherever is home. If home is gone, then call the people who harbor your home in the sound of their voice, in the tone of their laughter. Clean your mind of doubt by chasing the trails of unanswered questions back to their beastly bodies. Hesitation and doubt can be friends if they are greeted when trying to enter, but if you shut them out in the cold, then they will torment you so long as they haven’t been heard. Listen to them, tell them what you need.

Take some vitamin D, your nervous system needs to heal. Make another cup of tea.

Do not be productive today. I repeat, do not be productive today.

Tomorrow will be waiting, but tomorrow is always waiting.

please enjoy my childish drawing of how it feels to be today

Meditate if you practice. Start meditating if you don’t. Today is a good day to meditate. Not to ruminate, not to reflect on how we got here, not to doom about what’s coming, but just to watch the little mind that is our own. Watch it like you watch your kid or dog playing outside, or the fish you keep in a bowl in your kitchen. Watch your mind the way you watch the squirrels chasing each other in the tree outside your office, or the pigeons on the sidewalk picking at old bandaids and wet Doritos. Watch your mind the way you witness the heard of elk passing through, silently making lace of the snow in your backyard. How does it feel to watch their breath turn to vapor through their muzzle in the cold. Watch without judgement, without expectation or ambition. There is no such thing as being “good” or “bad” at doing this, there is only doing it. If you see that your mind is sad, don’t kick the kid for being down! You would pick them up and comfort them, right? Do this for yourself. If you see your mind is racing, let it out to play, it has the zoomies! If you see your mind is angry, or weathered, or horny or overwhelmed or so deeply tired you cannot move - then you are human. You are a person.

If you find that you are apathetic, that you cannot feel your finger tips when you reach out for a feeling you’re trying to join - you must thaw. You must rest and soften and quiet the Rottweilers who you’ve put up to guard your precious opinions and other weapons you keep in secret.

Make a friend. Ask for help.

Turns out, people love to help people. Gives us all great peace and purpose.

Today, it is very very important that you do not scroll. If you are reading this, you likely found it because you were scrolling, and I’m grateful that you found it only because I hope it will help you to put the addictive surveillance box down for the day. Delete the opioid app from your homepage so you can’t compulsively open it, you’re not gunna die, I swear. Watch how many times you go to compulsively open it to find that it’s missing. Be alarmed at the amount of times, let it sit with you, but don’t let shame or guilt into the house - they were sent by people who mean you no good.

When you close this page, pick up a physical one. What book have you been neglecting to read? Pull it out, open it right in the middle, read a paragraph and see if it sticks. If it sticks, then go to the beginning and start it. If it doesn’t stick, pick up another one. Watch something, listen to something, voices talking, music playing - but only if it’s comforting. Only if it makes you laugh, only if it makes you cry good and powerful tears, only if it returns you to your body.

These people today who are taking power are doing just that - taking it. By any means necessary. But they missed the whole fucking point. Because only when you give power is when you grow it for real.

Oh yeah, and take a nap!

Recommendations for a day like today, extended:

Books:

Gentlemode (ultra powerful, ultra insightful, very kind and full of spiritual sustenance):

• World as Lover, World as Self by Joanna Macy (here’s a great interview with her on another book that I have yet to read)

Funmode (while still being wildly applicable and accurate):

• Neuromancer by William Gibson

Hardmode (but beautiful, accurate and medicinal)

• Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler

• To Paradise by Hanya Yanagihara

Podcasts:

• On Being

• How to Train a Happy Mind (start here)

• Mothers of Invention (not the Frank Zappa band, but sure that one, too)

Songs (don’t be frightened, the links are not spotify because I don’t use it):

All gentlemode:

• Solo Piano, Solo Piano II, Solo Piano III - Chilly Gonzales

• Preludes - Ethan Gruska

• Les Mystere Des Voix Bulgares: (below)

• Music for Psychedelic Therapy - Jon Hopkins

• Solstice Concert - Fabiano do Nascimento

Films:

Aww, go watch some David Lynch. My favorite is Lost Highway </3

TV Shows:

Gentlemode:

• Columbo

Hardmode:

• Dopesick

Be gentle to yourself and to others,

Love, Chewing Sounds (Kathleen)